Porcelain
by feyfollower
Summary: She was a fragile porcelain doll and a bird fighting to be free, however much he wanted to possess her and keep her with him she was always just out of his reach... Blue's thoughts on Babydoll.


_**Porcelain**_

_Disclaimer: The characters and background plotline are not mine, but Zack Synder's_

_So this is my first fanfic, although I've been writing for years (and years and years and… ) . I think Suckerpunch was a great movie, perfect amount of psychoanalysis (don't you just love that word) and dreaming of better things (which I spent the better part of my schooling doing). I loved Emily Browning's performance, she was incredible and I admire her so much. However I felt the movie didn't dig deep enough into Blue's character to satisfy my curiosity (curiosity killed the cat? Eh, in this case it spawned a story). So I wrote this to dig into Blue's obsession with Babydoll (I would just like to point out that I believe he was obsessed/in love with/desired/whatever you want to use with Babydoll. But I wanted to search into __why__.) Plus I just love trying to understand particular actions of people. So without further ado…._

There was something about her. She was a doll that was both within & out of his reach. Fragile, delicate, unbroken. Her pale skin reminded him so much of his little sisters porcelain dolls from when she was younger.

She was an exact replica of one of the dolls with a white porcelain skin, light blonde hair & a delicate pink blush misting her cheeks.

When she had danced for the first time, that was the moment, it was during that he had thought of her as more than just a doll. Her dancing took him to another world, a world of snow white skies, towering temples and glittering glass. He saw a world of freedom in her dancing. Her freedom.

Blue saw his baby sister sitting in a clearing as tiny snowflakes fell around her, falling into her raven black braids. Lying on her light grey satin dress, being caressed by her hands was a porcelain doll, it's own dark hair sparkling with snowflakes. As Blue drew closer his sister looked up at him with her bright green eyes. She spoke with her young innocent voice, the voice that haunted Blue.

'Moira wants to play with you.'

His sister held out the doll for him to take & as he reached for the doll it began to shatter. It's legs cracked & the perfect little red shoes fell from the doll to land on the snow covered grass. Blue stared aghast as the doll cracked & shattered to pieces that fell spread eagled on the ground at his feet.

'Moira!' His sister screamed as the doll fell to pieces. Her eyes were wide & her mouth was moving but she said nothing.

Blue tried to comfort his sister, his hand came to rest on her shoulder but as he touched her skin she began to shudder & moan. Before his eyes his younger sister shattered just like Moira had.

Blue gasped & was plunged back into the dance studio watching her dance.

She was more than a doll, she was a dancer, she was a bird... a bird flapping in the cage he had ensnared her in. She was his.

He signs the lobotomy papers because he knows that's the only way he can get her to stay. She will always be the bird seeking to escape his cage. But she didn't need to be. He imagined that deep down somewhere she felt a strange pull towards him too. It was confusing her, making her question her determination to escape. He is aware though, that she feels nothing but hate for him. He just _wanted_ her to want him.

Someone knocked on his door as he ate, he looked up seeing Sweet Pea standing at his door.

'She's dancing...'

'Who is dancing?' He asked, although he already knew who she was talking about. He knew Sweet Pea had seen the look on his face as she had danced. He knew she had noticed because he had seen the look of jealousy on her face. Sweet Pea had always wanted his attention & now that someone else had it she was definitely noticing & she was jealous.

'Your Babydoll.' He stiffened, staring at Sweet Pea. His mind had jumped at her words. Babydoll was his. She was his. Her dancing was his, those wide blue eyes were his, her gorgeous hair, her pale porcelain skin was his. She was his doll. She was his own delicate, porcelain doll & he was going to make sure she wouldn't shatter. She was going to be his own doll. She was his Babydoll.

Her dancing was phenomenal, it was like nothing he had ever seen before. Sweet Pea's somewhat jagged moves couldn't compare to the soft, flowing movements of Babydoll. She danced as if no-one was watching... She danced as if she were in an entirely different world...

Blue laughed to himself in his office. Babydoll.

Words couldn't describe the beauty of her dancing. It had caught his attention, she had caught his attention with barely any notice.

It was the same that night when the mayor came to watch her debut performance on stage. Blue was mesmerised by her dancing. There was just something about her; something ethereal, out of this world, when she danced. She was trying to say something with her dancing, Blue just couldn't understand what she was trying to say. He just knew there was something more to her dancing, there was a reason for her dancing.

She was hypnotising all the same.

Backstage was a different story. There were a whole lot of stories going on.

'Cheers.' Blue said as he walked in on the girls. Instantly the celebratory air became frigid & cold.

'What are we celebrating? Huh? Who should I be congratulating?' He asked, turning to look at each of the girls, his eyes pausing on Babydoll for a few seconds longer than the others. Amber shot a look of fear to Babydoll, Blue could see she was looking to see how to react.

Blue barely heard Sweet Pea's explanation of Babydoll's first performance.

'Hmmm… The bond of the theatre, of course. I mean what else can it be? It's not like any of you have anything to hide. Not like people are missing things… small little objects.' Blondie & Amber had guilt written all over their faces & even Rocket & Sweet Pea were hesitant. Only Babydoll remained still and silent. Despite his anger, Blue almost felt pride in her unwavering defiance. She was not going to bow to him and his demands. She was a challenge. A challenge housed as a delicate porcelain doll.

'What about you, huh? You think you're special don't you?' Even as he asked this, Blue knew he was asking a rhetoric question. Because even he could feel and see that Babydoll was special. She exuded a determination and ferocity that the other girls just didn't seem to have anymore.

'Well I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. If I was not about to make a small fortune on you…' Saying that in itself was a lie. Babydoll fascinates him, even if she didn't dance like she was in another world he would still keep her in the asylum.

'I need this bullshit to stop.' Blue yells glaring at the five girls standing around him.

'Out of mutual respect, lets get things back to how they were.' Before he leaves he takes one last look at Babydoll because he knows that things will never be the same again. Everything changed as soon as she started dancing. Besides, for things to go back to normal Babydoll would have to leave and he would never let that happen. She was his bird. And he would never let her fly away.

Blue burst into the kitchen, the doors banging open. His eyes rolled over the scene, seeing Amber standing near him, her chest heaving with sobs and Rocket being cradled in Sweet Peas arms, a red stain blossoming upon her chest. Then he noticed Babydoll, standing like an ancient goddess in the defeat of battle.

He couldn't pull his eyes away until he had soaked all of her beauty in.

Her cheeks were flushed pink, making her skin seem even paler. Her wide blue eyes were heavily lined but were slightly red at the corners.

Her clothing accentuated her beauty too. But her defining feature, as always, was her hair. It was always tied into two pigtails with a bold band holding some of her fringe in place.

He began commanding the other girls away. Ordering Sweet Pea to be locked away.

'As for you…' He said turning to Babydoll, whom he had successfully ignored until then.

'It's showtime.' He whispered. Pushing her towards the doors.

He doesn't love her, he knows that, but he does want her. He wants her for his own; he wants her strength and determination. He wants the warrior that fights beneath her calm exterior, her ferocity and power. Because she does have power, she has her own power, but she also has some sort of power over him. They both know it. That is why there is a battle between them, a battle for power and survival.

The battle explodes after her performance. It was his move. She had tried to seduce the chef and now it was his turn to hurt her.

He walks backstage to find the girls, now only four of them, standing together.

He knew what Babydoll's strategy was thanks to Blondie's betrayal.

He knew they were trying to escape.

He also knew that he would do everything in his power to stop them escaping.

He had to break their spirit, her spirit. Babydoll was the spirit of the girls. If he broke her, their plan of escape would crumble and she would stay with him forever. His caged bird.

'It has been brought to my attention that a few bad eggs, one little egg in particular…' He looked straight at Babydoll, leaving no doubts as to who exactly he was talking to.

His anger was growing. She had been trying to escape him? He would never allow that to happen. She would collapse, shattering into thousands of pieces if she left him. He couldn't let that happen. She was _his_. She was his and he would make and keep her unbreakable.

At some point he lost track of exactly what he was saying. He just spoke the words that came into his mind and took hold of the gun.

'Plotting to take from me my most precious possessions…' An image of Babydoll walking away from him passed through his head, making him even more livid.

Madame Gorski intervened and began pleading with Blue,

'This little fantasy of freedom is all they have.' Blue hit her, hard, causing her to fall to the ground.

This little fantasy was the reason for Babydoll's defiance. The fantasy was the hope that Babydoll had for escape. If the fantasy was not killed off, Babydoll would forever hope to escape and leave Blue.

'I teach them to survive you.' Madame Gorski whispered.

Blue ignored her and instead turned to Amber.

'Amber, do you have anything to say? Anything?' Amber shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Blue had to cut the fantasy, had to stop the spirit of Babydoll. He had to break her to have her.

He moved to stand behind Amber and with absolutely no remorse, shot her in the back of the skull. Madame Gorski's scream was the loudest and shrillest. It irritated Blue. Shooting a quick glance at Babydoll he saw she was hurt, but not yet broken. Not broken like he needed her to be.

So he turned the gun on Blondie, shooting her at point blank range.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Babydoll's stoic expression falter before she moan ed. He had broken her. There was nothing she would do against him now. She was stuck in his cage now. She was, and forever would be stuck in his cage. He would make sure of that.

He watched Babydoll gasping for breath.

He handed the gun back to his security before ordering everyone back to the show as though nothing had happened.

'The rest of you… You've got a show to do, so go on girls.'

Everyone left. Blue undid his tie leaning next to her.

It was just Blue and Babydoll together, alone. Like they always were, like they always had been.

She was still staring at the same spot that Amber had fallen to. Her mind was unfocused, but he could still see the smallest tiniest spark of defiance in her eyes. She was losing her power, she was losing the battle.

'I've been thinking a lot about all that money you're gonna make me.' Which wasn't the entire truth, Blue had been thinking about possessing her. Making her all his.

He moved in front of her, standing right before her. He breathed into her ear and he felt her shiver slightly beneath him. He wanted to attribute her shiver to desire, he wanted her to want him. He pushed away the knowledge that she hated him. For now, it was all about his own desires.

'You'd think that would give me pleasure… I'm in the business of pleasure… But you know what it makes me feel like, I'm gonna be honest with you. It makes me feel like I'm this little boy sitting in the corner of the sandbox while everybody gets to play with my toys, but me.' He heard her moan slightly and although a small part of him knew she was still grieving over Amber and Blondie, he beat this knowledge down, convincing himself she wanted him too.

He felt his heartbeat escalate.

'So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take my toys & I'm gonna go home.'

He pushed her onto the dressing table and into the mirror. He was going to make her all his. Her mind, body and soul would be his and once they were she would never want or get to escape again.

The mirror cracked behind her and for a second Blue was pulled away from the dressing room, to see himself sitting beside his sister, still playing with her doll happily, until she turned her large green innocent eyes onto him. He saw the doll in her hands shatter and fall at into his sister's lap.

A large snap sounded and Blue saw a crack running up his sister's arm. As he watched his sister began to crack and fall apart in pieces before him.

He was slapped out of his momentary relapse by Babydoll herself.

Bringing his mind back to the present he began goading her. He wanted her fire and strength. He wanted her fight.

'Oh, is that it?'

He slammed her down so her back was on the table, and felt his desire pump furiously through his body.

'Is that all you've got. Come here.'

He lifted her back to the mirror. He wanted her as an equal, because despite having a greater sense of power over her, that's how he saw her. She was an equal , she was a challenge that he would face, overcome and win.

Suddenly she stopped writhing in his grip and visibly quietened. Blue narrowed his eyes, he wanted her fight. He wanted her challenge.

'Come on. Did you lose your fight? Huh?'

Her eyes were downcast but when she lifted he eyelids he saw she definitely hadn't lost her fight. He eyes were staring at him with no fear and he saw her daring him to underestimate her.

'No.' She whispered to him, in a voice that made his chest heave. That voice had the perfect level of frustration, serenity and grief balanced within it. It was enough to make him cry.

'I just found it.'

She moved so fast he barely saw the knife she held in her hand.

She plunged it into his shoulder and Blue buckled, losing his thoughts for a second. He gasped as he fell to the ground.

How did this happen? This wasn't supposed to happen. She was a porcelain doll, she was supposed to be his porcelain doll. Fragile…

She wrapped her hand around the key hanging from his neck.

_Not the key. She couldn't escape, she was his bird. She was stuck in his cage and she wasn't allowed to use his key to leave him. Not the key. _

As he looked up at her she looked less like a delicate doll and more like an avenging angel ready to fight and win. This was her move in the battle and it was as close to a death blow as any could come to. She was coming out on top of the battle.

She looked down at him, shaking/ her head slightly.

'You'll never have me…' He swallows, because from his position down on the floor with her hands around his key, it looked clear that she was escaping him and that he would never be able to have her.

'Ever.' She kicked him to the floor, pulling the key from him and ran from the dressing room. Leaving Blue alone in his pain.

She hadn't cracked and fallen to pieces, if anything she had come back stronger than before. She was flying his cage now. She had risen and met his challenge and was running free.

Blue felt a mixture of humiliation and pleasure when he heard that Babydoll hadn't escaped, only Sweet Pea had. She had been unable to fly his coop.

The lobotomy was completed by the high roller as it should've been done days ago. Taking away all of Babydoll's dreams of escape. She would be his. Finally.

He walked into the room where she had been brought to under his demands.

'Hi… You remember me?' He asked, looking at her.

She was still as beautiful as before, nothing had changed. Not even her hairstyle.

He had an argument with the two guards before they finally closed the door, leaving them the only two in the room. They were together and alone. Like they would always be. He would make sure of that.

He looked at her, properly. She looked slightly unfocused, like she had been after Amber and Blondie's deaths. He knew how to fix that though. He just had to stoke her fire, poke her spirit and she would jump back up at him. That was what had happened backstage and he was sure that it would happen again.

'What is it? You're not here? Huh? You're not here anymore you're in paradise? No, no, no, no, no. You're still here. You and me and all this shit. You don't go away unless I say so, okay?'

It was then that he kissed her. He kissed her expecting her to writhe in his grasp again. He expected her to fight for domination in the kiss, to see it as another challenge or battle, the challenge within beauty. He expected to see her spirit again.

But it wasn't there. She seemed lifeless, dull, empty. He pulled away.

'That's not right.' He muttered, half to himself and half to her.

He covered her lips with his again, trying to coax her into the kiss.

He pulled away again and as he did he felt a tear run down his cheek. It wasn't how he had expected it. It wasn't the way he had wanted it. It wasn't her.

He wrapped his hands around her neck in a final attempt at provoking her to fight back. He kissed her again, even as his hands were tightening around her neck. His eyes searched and found hers. They were completely devoid of spirit.

The police burst into the room, pulling Blue away from her. Except it wasn't her anymore. There was no spirit, she was just an empty shell.

'I wasn't doing anything. Look at her. She's gone.' Blue almost choked on the words.

'She's not here, what do you think I wanna do?'

It was then he understood. She had truly lost her fight. He had broken her spirit just as he had planned to. She had been a free bird for a few hours before he had caught her again and finally broken her wings. Except now, when he wanted to put her back together like the cracked porcelain doll she was becoming, he couldn't. He couldn't put any porcelain dolls together, not the doll, not his sister and not Babydoll. Who he had discovered had not been that delicate at all. She had fought their battles as hard as possible, his stinging knife wound was proof of that. She had fought against him to escape, despite all the challenges he had sent to her.

And yet, despite her strength there was a part of her that was tantalizingly fragile, a part that he would never be able to claim. She was not, and never would be his again. Instead she was free, she had escaped him, escaped his cage and left him alone.

He was the one who had cracked and shattered to pieces. He was more fragile than she was. And yet, now she had cracked, just like the porcelain dolls she embodied.


End file.
